Barely Legal

Last night (or this morning depending how you look at it), whilst I was waiting for may mates in the takeaway, a boy came upto me and said 'You helped make my teenage years great.'
Looking at him blankly, scrutinising his face, I replied 'Did I teach you?' I thought this would be pretty unlikely due to the fact that during my brief stint as an English teacher I was pretty mediocre and certainly don't think I had a Robin Williams, Dead Poets type of influence on any of my poor students.
'No, I went back with you after the Fire Rock and Roll Club about 6 years ago.'

Then it dawned on me, he was my most perfect one night stands ever. The one that I look back on fondly and sigh with happy memories. At the time he was 19, or so he told me, last night I found out he was only 17 at the time. I remember seeing him in the club and thinking he was cute. Later he approached me and told me that he'd been saying to his mate how he'd really like to get into the girl in the pink Converse. He was really cute and so enthusiatic about everything. one of the reasons I pull so many younger men is because of their enthusiasm, they are totally unjaded by life and its a contagious feeling. This attraction to boys in their late teens all started with my brother's mate who I ended up shagging when I was 23 and he was 18. That got me in a lot of trouble but that's another story. Since then I've always had a bit of a thing for younger men.

Unsurprisingly this lad ended up at mine. I had a friend through from Boro who was absolutely wasted and ended up crashing in my bed. Since I lived in a shared house at the time, it meant shagging him had to take place in the living room, which also was the route through to the bathroom, so I shoved the coffee table up against the door, which in reality wouldn't offer any time to jump of each other mid shag and look innocuous, but I was pissed and horny so it seemed like a foolproof idea at the time. Fortunately we didn't get disturbed, I figure my flatmates probably guessed what was happening, so gave us a wide berth (I am not a great flatmate).
The sex was great, considering he was so young, he knew exactly what he was doing. We shagged pretty much non stop and all over the room, in loads of posistions. In between fucking we talked about trivial dumb shit, that seemed really amazing at the time. Its the stupid conversations that make me like a guy.

When my mate left the next day we moved it the bedroom and shagged some more before I had to go to my lecture. I'd already sent a text to my friend on the PGCE telling her to sign me in to my lecture cos I'd pulled. He left, he lived away, he was cute, that was that. Just a perfect one night stand that wasn't to be tainted by the complications that can occasionally arise from seeing the person around the clubs all the time. I never saw him again, until last night. He didn't look quite as endearing now his face had become more manly but he was still quite attractive, just not the same as in my memory. I think I'd prefer to remember him as he is etched in my mind.I also think that he has become the object of another friend's affections recently, which spoils things a little. Still it was a very flattering comment to recieve at 3.30 am in the morning.

Last night I got off with another 19 year old. I'm starting to wonder if, now I am in my 30's, this seduction of barely legal boys should stop? Am I Michael Winner or Joan Collins? Pervy or Fabulous? I'd prefer to believe the latter.

Textual frustration

On Bank Holiday Monday I was awoken by my phone vibrating loudly on my bedside table to indicate that I had recieved a text. I was half asleep as I read

"Morning you filthy bitch i have awoken with a huge bulge, which I'd love to shove in every hole you have. I want to then come in yr knickers and then ust leave you with them on."

Charming. I wasn't offended by the text, nor was I turned on, just bored by it more than anything. The sender, someone who I was involved with ages ago but these days is more of a casual friend (casual as in the friendship seems to rear it's head when it suits him), anyhow he now seems to have taken offence that I never returned the text.

I don't mind sex texting in the right context and from the right person but all too often what boys seem to think will turn me on, is more likely to make me reach for an extra pair of knickers rather than my clit. The text on Monday morning was a classic example of this. Someone I no longer have sexual feelings for and displayed on a mobile's screen, his text seemed crude and ill thought out (bulge? really?).

Over the last few years I've recieved (and sent) many dirty texts, from one liner booty calls to full on hour long exchanges that left me uncomfortably turned on. Most of them though tend to be pretty base.

"You need a good fucking" tended to be a bog standard opener sent by a silver fox like fellow who lived in Manchester. Not only were his texts unoriginal, they were sent at 3am on a weeknight when I had to be up for work at 6. The last time he woke me up like this I sent him a text as I was getting ready for work "I think you'll find I need a good night's sleep rather than a good fucking, which you are in no position to deliver anyway, seeing as you are on the other side of the country."

Picture messaging is a whole other world. Personally I don't find it particularly arousing to be sent a picture of a man's erect cock. When your are in the middle of a fumble with someone, then yes I can't wait to get my hands on it, but via text I think some things are best left to the imagination.

My favourite bad sex text of recent months is by far the following, sent during a two hour period in which the sender had been trying to work his way into my boudoir. Having decided that although the sex with this particular person was really filthy, I was bored by him.

"Look mate, I've just come back after being away for 3 months. Why don't I just pop round and wank on your face?"

How can a girl possibly refuse?