Textual frustration

On Bank Holiday Monday I was awoken by my phone vibrating loudly on my bedside table to indicate that I had recieved a text. I was half asleep as I read

"Morning you filthy bitch i have awoken with a huge bulge, which I'd love to shove in every hole you have. I want to then come in yr knickers and then ust leave you with them on."

Charming. I wasn't offended by the text, nor was I turned on, just bored by it more than anything. The sender, someone who I was involved with ages ago but these days is more of a casual friend (casual as in the friendship seems to rear it's head when it suits him), anyhow he now seems to have taken offence that I never returned the text.

I don't mind sex texting in the right context and from the right person but all too often what boys seem to think will turn me on, is more likely to make me reach for an extra pair of knickers rather than my clit. The text on Monday morning was a classic example of this. Someone I no longer have sexual feelings for and displayed on a mobile's screen, his text seemed crude and ill thought out (bulge? really?).

Over the last few years I've recieved (and sent) many dirty texts, from one liner booty calls to full on hour long exchanges that left me uncomfortably turned on. Most of them though tend to be pretty base.

"You need a good fucking" tended to be a bog standard opener sent by a silver fox like fellow who lived in Manchester. Not only were his texts unoriginal, they were sent at 3am on a weeknight when I had to be up for work at 6. The last time he woke me up like this I sent him a text as I was getting ready for work "I think you'll find I need a good night's sleep rather than a good fucking, which you are in no position to deliver anyway, seeing as you are on the other side of the country."

Picture messaging is a whole other world. Personally I don't find it particularly arousing to be sent a picture of a man's erect cock. When your are in the middle of a fumble with someone, then yes I can't wait to get my hands on it, but via text I think some things are best left to the imagination.

My favourite bad sex text of recent months is by far the following, sent during a two hour period in which the sender had been trying to work his way into my boudoir. Having decided that although the sex with this particular person was really filthy, I was bored by him.

"Look mate, I've just come back after being away for 3 months. Why don't I just pop round and wank on your face?"

How can a girl possibly refuse?